2000 — I relocated to Rio de Janeiro. My friendships from my hometown began to fade.

2001 — I left the church, as I could no longer reconcile myself with what I saw as the superficiality and contradictions within its rituals and doctrines. My church friendships grew even more distant as a result.

2008 — I came out as gay. Every one of my church friends severed ties with me.

2012 — I moved to New York City. My Brazilian friendships, without exception, became distant.

2018 — Jair Bolsonaro was elected president of Brazil. As someone with conservative leanings, I voted for him. Friends from my college years and from the music community subsequently cut ties with me due to their opposition to him.

2021 — I publicly identified as a conservative. As a result, most of my American friends ended their relationships with me due to their opposition to Trump.

As a consequence of all of the above, I now find myself in a position of profound social isolation. I feel like someone who does not fit neatly into any community or group. My husband is, in practice, my only true friend. Everyone else, whether in Brazil or the United States, exists only as an occasional text message, and only when I am the one to initiate contact. The sole exception tends to be when someone needs something from me, such as a place to stay in New York City during a vacation. My family, for their part, has never been particularly close to me, largely due to my unconventional personality, my sexual orientation, and my difficulty connecting emotionally with others.

The difficult truth I am in the process of accepting is that hard work alone is insufficient for reaching one’s full potential. What truly makes the difference are the personal connections one builds along the way.

Since beginning my music studies in 1995, my guiding belief was that if I worked hard enough, seized every opportunity available to me, and consistently exceeded expectations, success as an artist would follow. What I failed to recognize was that interpersonal skills were just as essential a part of that equation. Thirty years later, I can see that clearly. Despite meaningful accomplishments — among them obtaining American citizenship through my musical work, receiving international recognition, and achieving financial stability — I am left with a deep sense of resentment and frustration regarding both the state of my career and the quality of my personal relationships. (go to post 3/3)